Scattered thoughts

Well, lot's of things are changing on this end of blog world. We are waiting for the final word on our house (Oh boy, are we ready for this home buying process to be over). Jeremiah and I are getting really anxious to move. It's amazing how, in the last couple weeks, God has taken us from being so overwhelmed at the thought of moving, to being so anxious we can hardly stand it. [Thank you Lord, for so faithfully preparing us.] It is unbelievable how quickly our time in Joplin is coming to an end. Jeremiah graduates in just a few short weeks. I am so proud of him! :)

My thoughts are quite scattered this morning, yet there is nothing like sitting in my favorite chair, sipping my coffee, and enjoying this beautiful, rainy morning. I am thankful that God makes himself known in absolutely everything - rain or shine - good days or bad days - celebration or tears - he makes himself known to me. I like that.

Peaceful melancholy

I am starting to realize just how much my life is changing. A part of me hoped that when we moved, my relationships would not be altered a great deal. However, I am learning just how ignorant I was to hope for that. Life changes. Relationships change. I am changing. Though not all change is bad, it is still difficult. I am about to move far away from the life I have known for four years. I am about to say goodbye to the best friends I have ever had. I am about to start my life over. I'm scared, nervous, and so very excited for what God has in store. God has been so faithful and has made it so very clear that this is the time for me and Jeremiah to pack up our little loft and go start a new life. I am sure thankful for my husband. He is indeed God's greatest blessing to me, and knowing that I have him makes this change very bearable. The funny thing with me and change is that I always welcome it with open arms. I jump at the chance for change, without always thinking about the difficulties of it. But then, once the reality of it sets it, I am overwhelmed. Currently, I am overwhelmed. There are people I wish I could bring with me. There are relationships I pray do not diminish due to distance. There are relationships I know will undoubtedly diminish due to distance. Though I am overwhelmed with all of this change and the emotions that come with it, I am finally beginning to rest peacefully in the reality that my life is indeed changing, and I cannot stop it, nor do I want too.

"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." [Anatole France]

Sweet relief

A couple nights ago I watched "Julie & Julia" for the first time. It's been awhile since I've enjoyed a movie as much as I enjoyed that one. Maybe I enjoyed it because of it's realistic portrayal of life. Maybe I enjoyed it because it made me laugh, or maybe because it made me cry. But, I think what really made me enjoy it so much was that it was about cooking. For me, cooking is not merely to create something to devour, but rather to create something merely for the sake of creating it. To unwind after a difficult day, some people paint, some people draw, some people write, some people sleep, some people run...and I cook. It is an art to me. It gives me a sense of achievement to create something beautiful and delectable. This week had been exhausting (emotionally, spiritually and physically), however, nothing brings me more relief than to slip into my sweat pants, wander into my little kitchen, and whip up something delicious...or in the case of this week specifically, chocolate truffle pie. That, my friends, is some sweet relief.

"Do you know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate, and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It’s such a comfort." [Julie & Julia]

A day for remembering

Well, I have decided to return to the world of blogging. Some people complain that blogging is merely an excuse for personal rants, and indeed it can be. However, blogging has always been a healthy outlet for me and I am happy to be back.

Tomorrow is Easter. This day overwhelms me. Maybe it overwhelms me because it brings discomfort to the way in which I live my life. Maybe it overwhelms me because it highlights my selfishness. Maybe it overwhelms me because I can't even begin to wrap my mind around a love so extravagant. Why would Jesus subject himself to such brutality? Why would he do this for me, a woman so consumed by her own selfishness? As Easter is almost here, I am thankful. I am thankful that the consistency of God's love is not pending on mine. I am weak. I am sinful. But I am thankful. I am thankful that I can rest completely in the arms of a God who loves me so passionately and endlessly. This overwhelms me. This brings me to my knees.