I need mercy - SO much mercy. As my eyes scan the words of Scripture and my heart attempts to make sense of it all, I am broken - stricken with repulsion towards my own sinful soul. I am paralyzed and left trembling at the feet of Jesus. I am humbled. I am broken. I am trembling. Recognizing that no matter how much I "do" the Christian life - I fall... I always fall. I am so very weak.
In is in these moments, I desperately thank God for his mercy. I thank him for not condeming me to the eternal damnation that I so rightfully deserve. I thank him for exposing me to my own sinful nature. Shamefully burying my face in the ground, I plead for him to restore my heart. Through tears and a faint smile, I praise the Lord for breaking me again and again and again... all for love.
Truly, life ruled by human nature is empty, hopeless and wretched, but life - oh, what a glorious life penetrated by the love, hope and MERCY of Jesus Christ - that, my friends is “life indeed" [Timothy 6:19].
Savior or Genie?
Lately, I have been spending alot of time studying, praying and wrestling through an epidemic that seems to be infiltrating Christian thinking. I stumbled upon a sermon clip by John Piper on this issue, and I haven't been able to move past it. It is sickening, devasting and so far from the true Gospel. I like to call it the "Genie in a Bottle" Gospel.
Where did we get this idea that God is some genie in a bottle that we can whip out whenever we "need" him? Where did we get the idea that it's okay to live our lives for ourselves, doing what we want, not pursuing the Lord wholeheartedly, moment by moment -- and then say, "oh crap, this is a tough circumstance, let me drop to my knees, rub my genie and pray for some guidance." How heartbreaking this must be to a God that so desperately loves his children. How completely devastating for the God of the universe to be so insulted, under-utilized - shrunken down to a mere good luck charm.
Revelation 16 reminds us that it is better to be hot or cold, rather than lukewarm. Francis Chan writes in one of his books, Lukewarm people say they love Jesus, and He is, indeed a part of their lives. But only a part. They give Him a section of their time, their money and their thoughts, but He isn't allowed to control their lives.
Savior or Genie? Something to think about...
Where did we get this idea that God is some genie in a bottle that we can whip out whenever we "need" him? Where did we get the idea that it's okay to live our lives for ourselves, doing what we want, not pursuing the Lord wholeheartedly, moment by moment -- and then say, "oh crap, this is a tough circumstance, let me drop to my knees, rub my genie and pray for some guidance." How heartbreaking this must be to a God that so desperately loves his children. How completely devastating for the God of the universe to be so insulted, under-utilized - shrunken down to a mere good luck charm.
Revelation 16 reminds us that it is better to be hot or cold, rather than lukewarm. Francis Chan writes in one of his books, Lukewarm people say they love Jesus, and He is, indeed a part of their lives. But only a part. They give Him a section of their time, their money and their thoughts, but He isn't allowed to control their lives.
Savior or Genie? Something to think about...
You trusted in your beauty.
I have so many weaknesses... so many things the Lord has had to reconstruct within me. I am impatient, short-tempered, discontent, materialistic, and selfish, to name a few. Quite frankly, I define human err. My heart wants what it wants and often times I find myself seeking after such incredible waste. Yet, I never cease to be amazed at the Lord's ability to knock me off my feet. When I fall, I fall hard. When I fail, I fail miserably. What can I say, I'm an "all or nothing" type of woman.
For this reason, I have always loved Ezekiel's raw account of the allegory of the unfaithful Jerusalem. Maybe it impacts me so greatly because in my own life I have often shown such blatant unfaithfulness to my Lord... maybe it impacts me so greatly because of the way he portrays the Lord's beautiful, unwavering pursuit of his wandering children... or maybe it's the repulsive, yet captivating picture he paints that moves me.
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. Read it over and over and over again. Grab your favorite pen and mark, write, draw all over it. Allow it to haunt you. Allow it to stir you... trust me, it will.
But you trusted in your beauty and played the whore... [Ezekiel 16:15a]
For this reason, I have always loved Ezekiel's raw account of the allegory of the unfaithful Jerusalem. Maybe it impacts me so greatly because in my own life I have often shown such blatant unfaithfulness to my Lord... maybe it impacts me so greatly because of the way he portrays the Lord's beautiful, unwavering pursuit of his wandering children... or maybe it's the repulsive, yet captivating picture he paints that moves me.
If you haven't read it, I suggest you do. Read it over and over and over again. Grab your favorite pen and mark, write, draw all over it. Allow it to haunt you. Allow it to stir you... trust me, it will.
But you trusted in your beauty and played the whore... [Ezekiel 16:15a]
Peace is coming
Never have I seen so much tragedy strike in the first week of the new year. My heart breaks. My heart breaks for many people - some I have never met, as well as some who are very dear to me. Last night as I was driving home from work, I was begging the Lord to bring comfort and peace...and all I could hear was, "My darling, there will be hope in the future. I promise. Peace is coming." With tears in my eyes, I began longing for heaven in a way that I have never longed for it before. I dreamt of peace. I dreamt of a place with no pain, no tears - a place where everything is as it should be. Through my tears, I pleaded with God to return soon. [Lord Jesus, how long until you relieve your children from such pain? How long until you take us out of this painful world and into your eternal glory?] Once again, I heard the Spirit say, "My darling, peace is coming."
Lord Jesus, come quickly...
Lord Jesus, come quickly...
Introvert
I recently took a poll asking my Facebook friends if they would guess me to be an introvert or an extrovert. The answers were entertaining, to say the least. As I was posting the poll I told one of my bestfriends to mark my words that those who say "extrovert" are the people who have not been active in my life for quite some time (no offense) and those who say "introvert" are those who know me best. The truth is, I used to be much more extroverted. However, over the course of the past few years, I have become a hopeless introvert. Most people assume me to be an extrovert because they don't understand that being outgoing doesn't automatically make you extroverted. It isn't as much about your actions as it is about where you find your energy. My bestfriend is extroverted. If she doesn't get enough interaction with people, she becomes discouraged. On the other hand, if I get to much interaction with people, I become discouraged. She finds her energy in people, whereas I find my energy in solitude (however, that doesn't mean that I never crave social interaction).
I have changed a lot over the past few years. In my opinion, these have all been wonderful, much-needed changes. I have learned who I am, as well as who I want to be. I am settled, if you will. I don't desire a thousand close friends, infact the very idea exhausts me. I praise the Lord for the people close to me. I praise the Lord for the people in my life who love me through thick and thin and stay by my side no matter what. The Lord has taught me the wisdom in a quiet, simple and private life. Obviously, there is a great need for community and I praise the Lord for that! It keeps people like me from becoming TO private. :) However, there is wisdom is having a close group of people to share the most inner parts of your soul with. This allows for very close relationships, as opposed to a thousand surface friendships. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Thus, my life as an introvert. Happy, content and thankful.
"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers." [Henry David Thoreau]
I have changed a lot over the past few years. In my opinion, these have all been wonderful, much-needed changes. I have learned who I am, as well as who I want to be. I am settled, if you will. I don't desire a thousand close friends, infact the very idea exhausts me. I praise the Lord for the people close to me. I praise the Lord for the people in my life who love me through thick and thin and stay by my side no matter what. The Lord has taught me the wisdom in a quiet, simple and private life. Obviously, there is a great need for community and I praise the Lord for that! It keeps people like me from becoming TO private. :) However, there is wisdom is having a close group of people to share the most inner parts of your soul with. This allows for very close relationships, as opposed to a thousand surface friendships. I wouldn't trade it for the world.
Thus, my life as an introvert. Happy, content and thankful.
"I never found the companion that was so companionable as solitude. We are for the most part more lonely when we go abroad among men than when we stay in our chambers." [Henry David Thoreau]
Update from Indy
Simply put, we love it here! We love living at the heart of downtown Indy. We love the culture. We love our house and our puppies (yes, we have 2 puppies now!). We are so happy. Maybe we'll live here for five years, or maybe we'll stay here forever. All I know is that right now, during this season, we are completely at peace...and that is a blessed thing.
My job? It is wonderful! It has definitely taken me some time to get acclimated, but I am loving it. I am learning SO much. I can hardly believe how much I have learned just over the past two months of being here. It is so exciting to see all that God is doing. It is so wonderful to work alongside of so many devout Christians for the furthering of the Kingdom...SO much more fulfilling than retail. :)
It has been a surprisingly easy transition into our new life. I think Jeremiah and I were both very ready for the change. It has also been very interesting to watch my relationships change. All I can say is that I am blessed. I am blessed beyond belief. Sometimes it is a suprising to see which relationships rise to the top and which ones sink to the bottom. I am thankful, however, for transitional times like these. They are so healthy. And as I journey into a new chapter of my life, some relationships will continue to journey with me - and for these relationships, I am continually thankful.
God has taken me on quite the spiritual journey over the past few months. He has opened my eyes to my many flaws. He has revealed his faithfulness, even when I am so very unfaithful. He has taught me that Jesus died for people, thus PEOPLE are what matter. He has lit a fire within me, a passion to know my God. He is teaching me what is means to be a woman after God's very own heart. He is teaching me to be a godly wife and friend. All in all, I praise the Lord for taking this woman, so full of flaws, and refining her to the image of Christ. It is a long, slow process - but there is nothing quite like it.
Praise the Lord for his faithfulness. We are so very at peace with where the Lord has led us. We are so happy here and for the first time in years, we feel truly settled. Praise the Lord for his direction. Praise the Lord for not letting us get in the way of his plan. Thank you Lord for never leaving our side...
"...and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness,and to walk humbly with your God?" - Micah 6:8
My job? It is wonderful! It has definitely taken me some time to get acclimated, but I am loving it. I am learning SO much. I can hardly believe how much I have learned just over the past two months of being here. It is so exciting to see all that God is doing. It is so wonderful to work alongside of so many devout Christians for the furthering of the Kingdom...SO much more fulfilling than retail. :)
It has been a surprisingly easy transition into our new life. I think Jeremiah and I were both very ready for the change. It has also been very interesting to watch my relationships change. All I can say is that I am blessed. I am blessed beyond belief. Sometimes it is a suprising to see which relationships rise to the top and which ones sink to the bottom. I am thankful, however, for transitional times like these. They are so healthy. And as I journey into a new chapter of my life, some relationships will continue to journey with me - and for these relationships, I am continually thankful.
God has taken me on quite the spiritual journey over the past few months. He has opened my eyes to my many flaws. He has revealed his faithfulness, even when I am so very unfaithful. He has taught me that Jesus died for people, thus PEOPLE are what matter. He has lit a fire within me, a passion to know my God. He is teaching me what is means to be a woman after God's very own heart. He is teaching me to be a godly wife and friend. All in all, I praise the Lord for taking this woman, so full of flaws, and refining her to the image of Christ. It is a long, slow process - but there is nothing quite like it.
Praise the Lord for his faithfulness. We are so very at peace with where the Lord has led us. We are so happy here and for the first time in years, we feel truly settled. Praise the Lord for his direction. Praise the Lord for not letting us get in the way of his plan. Thank you Lord for never leaving our side...
"...and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness,and to walk humbly with your God?" - Micah 6:8
Scattered thoughts
Well, lot's of things are changing on this end of blog world. We are waiting for the final word on our house (Oh boy, are we ready for this home buying process to be over). Jeremiah and I are getting really anxious to move. It's amazing how, in the last couple weeks, God has taken us from being so overwhelmed at the thought of moving, to being so anxious we can hardly stand it. [Thank you Lord, for so faithfully preparing us.] It is unbelievable how quickly our time in Joplin is coming to an end. Jeremiah graduates in just a few short weeks. I am so proud of him! :)
My thoughts are quite scattered this morning, yet there is nothing like sitting in my favorite chair, sipping my coffee, and enjoying this beautiful, rainy morning. I am thankful that God makes himself known in absolutely everything - rain or shine - good days or bad days - celebration or tears - he makes himself known to me. I like that.
Peaceful melancholy
I am starting to realize just how much my life is changing. A part of me hoped that when we moved, my relationships would not be altered a great deal. However, I am learning just how ignorant I was to hope for that. Life changes. Relationships change. I am changing. Though not all change is bad, it is still difficult. I am about to move far away from the life I have known for four years. I am about to say goodbye to the best friends I have ever had. I am about to start my life over. I'm scared, nervous, and so very excited for what God has in store. God has been so faithful and has made it so very clear that this is the time for me and Jeremiah to pack up our little loft and go start a new life. I am sure thankful for my husband. He is indeed God's greatest blessing to me, and knowing that I have him makes this change very bearable. The funny thing with me and change is that I always welcome it with open arms. I jump at the chance for change, without always thinking about the difficulties of it. But then, once the reality of it sets it, I am overwhelmed. Currently, I am overwhelmed. There are people I wish I could bring with me. There are relationships I pray do not diminish due to distance. There are relationships I know will undoubtedly diminish due to distance. Though I am overwhelmed with all of this change and the emotions that come with it, I am finally beginning to rest peacefully in the reality that my life is indeed changing, and I cannot stop it, nor do I want too.
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." [Anatole France]
"All changes, even the most longed for, have their melancholy; for what we leave behind us is a part of ourselves; we must die to one life before we can enter another." [Anatole France]
Sweet relief
A couple nights ago I watched "Julie & Julia" for the first time. It's been awhile since I've enjoyed a movie as much as I enjoyed that one. Maybe I enjoyed it because of it's realistic portrayal of life. Maybe I enjoyed it because it made me laugh, or maybe because it made me cry. But, I think what really made me enjoy it so much was that it was about cooking. For me, cooking is not merely to create something to devour, but rather to create something merely for the sake of creating it. To unwind after a difficult day, some people paint, some people draw, some people write, some people sleep, some people run...and I cook. It is an art to me. It gives me a sense of achievement to create something beautiful and delectable. This week had been exhausting (emotionally, spiritually and physically), however, nothing brings me more relief than to slip into my sweat pants, wander into my little kitchen, and whip up something delicious...or in the case of this week specifically, chocolate truffle pie. That, my friends, is some sweet relief.
"Do you know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate, and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It’s such a comfort." [Julie & Julia]
"Do you know what I love about cooking? I love that after a day when nothing is sure, and when I say nothing, I mean nothing, you can come home and absolutely know that if you add egg yolks to chocolate, and sugar and milk, it will get thick. It’s such a comfort." [Julie & Julia]
A day for remembering
Well, I have decided to return to the world of blogging. Some people complain that blogging is merely an excuse for personal rants, and indeed it can be. However, blogging has always been a healthy outlet for me and I am happy to be back.
Tomorrow is Easter. This day overwhelms me. Maybe it overwhelms me because it brings discomfort to the way in which I live my life. Maybe it overwhelms me because it highlights my selfishness. Maybe it overwhelms me because I can't even begin to wrap my mind around a love so extravagant. Why would Jesus subject himself to such brutality? Why would he do this for me, a woman so consumed by her own selfishness? As Easter is almost here, I am thankful. I am thankful that the consistency of God's love is not pending on mine. I am weak. I am sinful. But I am thankful. I am thankful that I can rest completely in the arms of a God who loves me so passionately and endlessly. This overwhelms me. This brings me to my knees.
Tomorrow is Easter. This day overwhelms me. Maybe it overwhelms me because it brings discomfort to the way in which I live my life. Maybe it overwhelms me because it highlights my selfishness. Maybe it overwhelms me because I can't even begin to wrap my mind around a love so extravagant. Why would Jesus subject himself to such brutality? Why would he do this for me, a woman so consumed by her own selfishness? As Easter is almost here, I am thankful. I am thankful that the consistency of God's love is not pending on mine. I am weak. I am sinful. But I am thankful. I am thankful that I can rest completely in the arms of a God who loves me so passionately and endlessly. This overwhelms me. This brings me to my knees.
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